I had an meeting at 8:40 AM with my doctor this morning. In a nut shell, my thyroid cancer is continuing to grow.

My doctor tracks my cancer growth by testing the level of thyroglobulin, which is a protein produced by the follicular cells of the thyroid. My thyroid was surgically removed 3 years ago, so they are using thyroglobulin to track the evil, mutated, cancerous thyroid cells that don't want to behave. Like... REALLY. The 204 millicuries dose of radioactive iodine + my 2 surgeries should have ZAPPED ALL those suckers out! But alas.... they are still hanging around.

Simply put, the more thyroglobulin in my blood, the more cancer I have.

I've been in a battle with this cancer since the summer of 2014, and might I say, my cancer and I have been on quite a roller coaster together. In the past 2 years, my thyroglobulin has gone from:

13.4 ng/mL (WOAHHHH NOT GOOD!!!),
to 2.7 ng/mL (WOOOHOOO, SO MUCH CLOSER TO ZERO!!),
to 1.8 ng/mL (YAYYYYY! EVEN CLOSER TO ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!),
to 2.4 ng/mL (OKAY.. I see you. Slight increase...),

And now, it is at 3.3 ng/mL (HOLD UP... WHY YOU GOING UP?!)

This increasing trend has concerned my doctor a little, so she has ordered that I get a PET scan. Our hope is that something shows up on the scan so we can TREAT IT. It might mean more surgery. It might mean more radiation. It might even mean nothing. Literally, I might just need to be patient and wait another 6 months to analyze the next blood test results. Unfortunately, I have a very rare and aggressive form of thyroid cancer (Google: "poorly differentiated thyroid cancer" at your own risk... haha), and it usually has a liking to spread... soooo.... I need to make sure I stay on top of all my testing and make sure this thing knows who's in charge.

In the meantime, I am fervorously researching ALL my health insurance plan options, as I am aging out of my insurance plan VERY soon and need to find a way to STAY insured and continue my care at Memorial Sloan Kettering. *GULP*

Send positive vibes to the universe as I move forward to figure this of all out...

1. Peace
2. Art
3. Amends
4. Friends
5. Do
6. Room
7. Love
8. Waves
9. Time
10. Believe

I want to thank the morning news briefings for inspiring me to create this piece. Instead of feeling helpless during this time of chaos and upset, I chose to dance. More specifically, I chose to create movement to this beautiful song by Alicia Keys. I am also thankful that Emily asked me to sub her class at Peridance so that I actually had the opportunity to teach this somewhere!

I am not a politician or an expert on foreign affairs, but I am a young artist on a mission to inspire others and bring peace and happiness to the world. We have more power to alter the world than we think.

I hope you watch and feel inspired to make a positive difference in the world doing what you love.

“I have never seen
someone dance so gracefully
across a minefield.
Too many tracks
across your young skin
amidst the sparkly polka dots
of your freckles.
How you ride those
searing rails of your incisions
like they were
smiles, I don’t know.
Maybe you don’t know either
and maybe you are tired
but how you burn
those curving flames
with your limbs
like you are on fire
and will burn fire with fire.
And no dose of radiation
can obliterate your radiant
unfolding body in space
your determined
breath that lifts your
arms to the heavens to say
not yet
because you are here on a mission
and have more than a million
dances left
to dance out the devils
and burn out the toxins
with your light.
Tonight, I hold your
light in my mind
your smile in my mind
your dance in my heart.
Your dance will outsmart
even the most stubborn
cancers.”

— By Stephanie Sherman

This human being always has the most beautiful and simple pieces of wisdom to share with the world. This one resonates with me right now. Thank you, President Ikeda.

“Illness is not something to feel ashamed of. It is not a sign of misfortune or defeat. Suffering is the fuel of wisdom, and it opens the way to happiness. Through illness, human beings can gain insight into the meaning of life, understand its value and dignity, and strive to lead more fulfilling lives.”

— Daisaku Ikeda

I just finished reading the novel, 40 Rules of Love by Elif Shafak, and WOW. I have no words for the journey it has been. And with all the crazy things happening in the news right now- like the Muslim "Ban," building a Wall, the Dakota Access Pipeline - this book's message is more powerful than ever. Rumi’s message of love and his companionship with his spiritual master Shams of Tabriz is nothing short of inspiring. I was the most moved by this quote:

“A life without love is of no account… Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire. The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”

Now that I think about it, it is ironic that I happened to finish this book close to Valentines Day...

Regardless, this book has inspired me to have more compassion for myself and for people in my life. Love is not an easy thing. What would it take for us to love our enemies? To love our terrible singing voices? To love someone you are scared of?

I wonder what the world would be life if we all just loved each other a little more...